This post is an answer to a submitted question. It aims to provide help and solutions to overcome the issue.
Podcast version: HERE
Quote: “There are two types of creators in the world: Those who create things and those who find reasons why they can’t.”
Adding to the quote.
A bit harsh perhaps but it’s valid. We humans will validate our thoughts, completely natural and normal. If you have a thought habit or pattern of looking for reasons why you don’t do things, well you’re reinforcing that patter and thought loop.
“I've never had to work hard in my life and I'm scared.
I am currently studying for Nursing. One thing I've always struggled with my whole life is discipline. I wasn't raised to work hard or have major responsibilities. I was always allowed to just do my thing, but I feel like that backfired on me, because now I'm 20 turning 21, and I don't even know how to stay focused enough to study. Just now, I sat down and set a goal: study anatomy and biochemistry for 2 hours. What happened was, I studied for 30 minutes, left my study space, scrolled on my phone, and realized that 3 hours have passed since.
I am terrified. I know that if I keep going down this path, I'm going to ruin myself. But at the same time, there's nothing external or internal driving me to do something about it. I don't have any dreams, aspirations, or people I wanna work hard for. I'm just going with the motions of life, and I'm scared that I'm gonna grow old and die without having accomplished anything. How in the world do you get out of this rut? How do you somehow jumpstart yourself without any motivation?”
My Response if we were in a coaching setting. Although without being able to ask questions, I may assume or use scenarios to fill in the gaps.
First off you’re not broken or need fixed. Let’s see if we can look at this differently.
White knuckling it doesn't work for anyone, ever. It’s not sustainable for certain.
Our brain and “mind” will not respond well to force, pressure, beating ourselves up, name calling reinforcing the past and wallowing in the unknown future.
This generates a lot of uncertainty and powerlessness. In other words resisting what is.
Believing you are terrible, not good enough, wasn't taught it when you were young, that you are easily distracted etc. is all a story your "mind" has created and you're attaching to it, aligning with it, and your brain will collect proof this is you and how you are.. Making it a thought habit, and establishes your identity.
I have worked with so many people over the years and there’s ONE significant difference between those that are high performers and those that struggle. Their thoughts. That’s it, simply the way they think.
We often think we all need to work out to make our bodies strong, but we also need to train our mind and thoughts to work for us rather than against us. This is why Life Coaching is a booming business. There’s tremendous value in aligning your thoughts with your goals.
We experience our thoughts.
There’s no way of getting around it. There’s nothing to do, nothing to buy, there’s no lotion, potion, wrap or bootcamp that will provide the sustainable long term changes without mental and emotional training.
The more we consciously engage in the process of introspection, verbalize our thoughts, focusing on how we want to feel. and openly communicate our desires and intentions, the greater we reinforce what we do want. AND our brain will search for proof of that!
In today's fast-paced and interconnected world, it seems that negativity has become ingrained in our society. We're bombarded with negative news and social media can be toxic. From the constant barrage of negative news stories to social media, it can feel like we are constantly surrounded by negativity. This constant negative bias can harm our emotional and mental health, making us feel tired, stressed, and have us believing it's normal.
It is becoming more important than ever to prioritize and guard our emotional and mental well-being.
With the constant pressures and demands of work, relationships, societal expectations, it can often feel like we are constantly battling to maintain a sense of balance and inner peace.
One way to fight for our emotional and mental health is by practicing mindfulness and self-reflection. This involves taking the time to tune in to our thoughts, emotions, and sensations, without judgment or attachment.
By becoming more aware, we can better understand ourselves and our emotions, which allows us to respond to life, it’s challenges and stressors in a more effective and balanced manner, without it really disrupting our week or month.
Who wants to be more resilient?
Another important aspect of protecting our emotional and mental health is setting boundaries. Protecting our valuable time and energy. This means learning to say no when necessary and not overextending ourselves, and being ok with spending less time around people that drain our energy.
By establishing clear boundaries, we can avoid burnout and prioritize our own well-being and happiness.
Surrounding ourselves with positive and uplifting individuals who truly understand and support us can make a world of difference. Whether it's friends, chosen family, or professional support systems, having people we can turn to in times of need can provide valuable guidance, accountability, comfort, and reassurance.
Ultimately, protecting our emotional and mental health requires ongoing effort and commitment. It is not a one-time task but rather a lifelong journey. Look at me!
Building your mental fitness includes consciously shifting our focus towards the good things in life and practicing deep appreciation and gratitude.
By appreciating the small joys and victories, we can counteract the negativity that permeates our society, because positivity is contagious.
How do you want to feel?
Describe it... Give me 10+ powerful words or short statements of how you want to be, what you want to do and what it looks like. You are not your past, you are not how you were raised, you aren't the stories your “mind” makes up.
You are who you want to be.. if you want it bad enough.
So, how do you want to feel?
Motivation isn't external.
Motivation starts when you’re in motion, it’s creating a story along the the journey it’s a new story, plot, a script on how you want to feel. It's feeding your brain the descriptive words of how you want to feel and the actions will follow.
Your brain is a powerful adaptable machine, and very simplistic really. It will move you towards what feels good and familiar.
So it's painting a picture of how you want to feel, describing it in full detail, in a way that it brings to life how you want to be, and your brain will work with you vs against you to reclaim that identity.
I hope this helps. I wish you all the best. Please share this with anyone you believe would benefit from the insights. Post a comment, I read and reply to them all. Thank you in advance!
If you want to send a question, please send to email@example.com please include:
- A coachable question (something that addresses what's in your control, your thoughts, feelings or actions.)
- And context, explain a situation in the past, currently going through, or worries/concerns of the future, giving me some details on your thoughts and feelings about it.