Submitted Request..
This post is an answer to a submitted question. It aims to provide help and solutions to overcome the issue.
Podcast version: HERE
Quote: “Letting go means understanding that certain individuals are no longer a part of your future and being at peace with it.”
Adding to the quote:
Letting go is an important process of self-management, prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical health. It involves acknowledging that some individuals, no matter how significant they once were in our lives, are meant to be part of our past rather than our future.
I like to think of our life as like a train. The train starts when we are born and it stops when our life ends. People get on our train throughout our life; some stay on for one stop, some stay on for a few stops, some stay on way too long, some we can't manage to kick off even if we tried, some slip off without us knowing, some are in the back riding in silence. Ultimately the only one on the entire duration is you. It’s your life, it’s your many choices a day that creates your life, take your vital power and create the life you want.
By accepting and recognizing that we can't force people to stay on our train or in our life, we can free ourselves from emotional suffering and heartache. After all the people that have a great impact on our life, be it a small moment or over years, they are always with us in our mind, and memories. It is a powerful act of unconditional love to release those who no longer serve us, allowing us and them to move forward with clarity and purpose. Embracing the concept of letting go can lead to greater inner peace and a deeper understanding of ourselves. Who knows they may get on at a later stop.
Submitted Question:
“I just learned my ex-husband is having twins and I'm devastated.
This is absolutely heartbreaking considering he never wanted to have kids with me. I’m 39 years old, so this hits pretty hard because it’ll probably never happen for me. I think deep down, I had hoped that we could one day be in each other’s lives again. I think I’m feeling this loss of that probably never happening, and I need to finally let him go. It’s been almost two years since the divorce was final; we were together for 20 years since we were 17. It’s just really sad. It feels like another layer of pain I didn’t know could exist. Is my reaction excessive or overly dramatic? This is just so crushing."
My Response if we were in a coaching setting. Although without being able to ask questions, I may assume or use scenarios to fill in the gaps.
I can see how this would stir up painful feelings.
We feel thoughts we believe and become attached to.
Excessive or overly dramatic, that’s not for me to judge or declare.
What if thinking and believing, and reinforcing this thought that you're devastated and that you'd be together again is the cause of your pain, not your ex?
What results in thinking this way and validation to back up that he is the villain and creator of your pain and suffering?
Often thinking this way, continues to create not only more suffering, it enables your mind to find and seek out more proof that things externally are the cause of your happiness or sadness. This also reinforces this pattern and thought loop.
Similarly believing that a scale that takes our weight has the power to make us happy if the scale goes down or sad if the scale goes up, is a misunderstanding. It's not possible that a scale can make us happy first off, and there's no possible way a scale can go down every day without cutting limbs off eventually.
Our beliefs create our reality.
Our beliefs shape the way we perceive the world around us and ultimately influence the reality we experience. Our thoughts and beliefs have the power to create peace or stress, shaping our actions and decisions. It is through the lens of our beliefs that we interpret and navigate our lives, creating a unique reality that is deeply rooted in thoughts that we cling to, get attached to, believe and gather proof and evidence to back them up.
By being more aware, conscious, alert and curious, of our own unique beliefs and actively choosing to cultivate positive and empowering beliefs, we can create a reality that is aligned with our personal values and goals.
Our beliefs are not only a reflection of who we are, but also a powerful force that shapes the world we live in.
If you're unsure of your beliefs, that's where a thinking partner like me, a life coach, can show you your blind spots and empower you to show up to be your very best.
Blind spots are areas of our lives or aspects of ourselves that we are unaware of or have difficulty seeing. They can be emotional, psychological, or behavioral patterns that we are blind to, often because they lie outside of our conscious awareness. These blind spots can hinder our personal growth, as they can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and missed opportunities, and damage to relationships.
Having someone who is unbiased and unattached point out our blind spots can be incredibly valuable. (like me a life coach) This person (me or anyone you feel comfortable choosing) can provide us with a fresh perspective and help us see things that we may have been overlooking or ignoring. Building a trusting relationship with this individual is essential, as it allows us to be open to receiving feedback and insights that can ultimately help us grow and become more self-aware.
Lost in the sea of thoughts and stories.
Recognizing and addressing our blind spots is an important part of personal development, self-love, self-care and self-improvement. It does take being ready to face them, and courage to ask for help. By being open to feedback and willing to confront our blind spots, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and make positive changes in our lives. It takes courage and humility to face our blind spots, but the rewards are well worth the effort.
How do you treat yourself and others when believing your ex is the source of your pain and is now shattering your life?
Often it leads to unhealthy behaviors, possible isolation, resentment, more frustration, anger, bigger taller walls up around you, coping mechanisms that are typically unhealthy etc.
All from that one thought, story, belief...
What would happen if you acknowledged that thought?
Saw thought for what it truly is, some sort of protection from being hurt (paradoxically believing it creates pain), and thanked your mind for that suggestion and chose to command your brain to think something else that came from an unconditional loving heart?
Perhaps being compassionate and genuinely being happy for him?
What would be the result?
How would you treat yourself and others when opening up this heart centered thought?
I wish you all the best.
Please share this with anyone you believe would benefit from the insights. Post a comment, I read and reply to them all. Thank you in advance!
If you want to send a question, please send to hello@katherine-hood.com please include:
- A coachable question (something that addresses what's in your control, your thoughts, feelings or actions.)
- And context, explain a situation in the past, currently going through, or worries/concerns of the future, giving me some details on your thoughts and feelings about it.