This post is an answer to a submitted question. It aims to provide help and solutions to overcome the issue.
Podcast version: HERE
"How can I create the habits of taking care of my body and home?" each day in a way that is enjoyable and sustainable?
For a long time, I have struggled with doing basic things that many people find easy to do, (or they do it regardless because they're in the habit or have discipline, etc). I will put off washing my face, flossing my teeth, shaving, washing my hair, taking care of my skin, and all the hygiene things until it's absolutely necessary, (like I'll be kissing someone or in a swimsuit). I don't know why I don't want to do these things. Sure, they're not "fun", but I want to have nice skin and feel clean. I also struggle with cleaning my home. Since I don't want to do dishes, I'll waste paper plates and plastic forks. I'd really like to be a person that takes great pride in their body and home."
My Response if we were in a coaching setting. Although without being able to ask questions I may assume or use scenarios to fill in the gaps.
What you describe does sound tough, you want two different things and something you've experienced over some time. When we humans are ambivalent (stuck between two decisions), we don't take action, we remain stuck in indecision.
"No matter how much broccoli you eat, you won’t be fulfilled if you don’t work on your mental well-being.."
I love this quote because it says so much in a funny way, it's true we can't build a castle on sand it will fall apart someday. Work on the foundation!
In the submission, I can get a sense of how you feel currently. In coaching, the first portion is always connecting to how my client feels regarding the situation, scenario, goal, or challenge.
Words used how you feel: struggle, put off, only when absolutely necessary, why, not fun, I don't want to...
My overall sense is that you're feeling stuck and ashamed because calling them basic and immediately comparing yourself to people, in general, give a sense of not good enough or something is wrong with you.
By the way, it's my opinion and belief that not feeling good enough is the root of most issues and is the worst feeling in the world.
First, you are good enough, worthy, and nothing is wrong with you; simply a habit that's been created, and a part of you wants to break it. There's still a part of you not clearly mentioned in this submission what the benefit is to staying in this pattern or habit.
My ears always perk up when I hear the word WHY, because needing to know why often keeps us stuck, needing to know and understand. Usually, it comes down to self-judgment, and what if you never know why? I also like to point out how it feels when asked a WHY question.
How would you feel if I was your friend, and you invited me over and I badgered you with WHY questions one after another?
- "Why are you dressed that way?"
- "Why is your apartment so dark?"
- "Why are you looking at me that way?"
Most anyone would become defensive. Self-talk is no different. How you think and speak to yourself is incredibly important and can tremendously impact the things mentioned in this submission.
So the better question is, HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL? Regarding these tasks?
You see our brain is super crazy simple. It will push you towards what feels good and familiar. Habits are familiar, that's the reason they are hard to break. Habits are formed from our identity and who we believe we are, they are also often done on what I call autopilot without much thought. The brain constantly seeks ways to conserve our mental, emotional and physical energy via patterns. Most habits when established, we do with little conscious thought. Like driving to the grocery store and back and thinking later, "Did I stop at all the stop signs?"
Creating a new habit takes understanding how the brain works, and patience, support, encouragement, and accountability are always helpful.
When and have a deeply loving, compassionate, caring, empathetic and see your worthiness, what I like to call having a healthy relationship with yourself, it's super easy to answer this question: HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL? When I first start coaching clients, they often are tongue-tied and don't know how to answer it without injecting how they currently feel, from a negative energy.
I very much understand that the brain and nervous system will pull you away from what doesn't feel good, safe or familiar. So to continue to paint a picture in your mind that these acts of self-love are painful, a struggle, awful, you don't want to do them... well anything else will be more fun and enticing. It's the stories, the images that you create in your thoughts, that are hijacking you.
In short, step back and come from a loving, compassionate place to yourself and your life that you are living. When these are on a solid foundation, the things you say you want to do, you will view them as self-love and do them with ease and flow when you're able to slow down and look at yourself in the mirror and answer that question looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing that inner child reflecting in the mirror and choose how you want to feel, in regards to taking care of yourself, saying it with conviction, with your heart and soul. Doing it will become effortless.
I hope this helps. I wish you all the best. Please share this with anyone you believe would benefit from the insights. Post a comment, I read and reply to them all. Thank you in advance!
If you want to send a question, please send to firstname.lastname@example.org please include:
- A coachable question (something that addresses what's in your control, your thoughts, feelings or actions.)
- And context, explain a situation in the past, currently going through, or worries/concerns of the future, giving me some details on your thoughts and feelings about it.