Submitted Request..
This post is an answer to a submitted question. It aims to provide help and solutions to overcome the issue.
Podcast version: HERE
Quote: “The Relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every relationship we have.”
Adding to the quote:
The relationship we have with ourselves is the foundation upon which all other relationships are built. It is the lens through which we see and interact with the world around us. When we cultivate a positive and loving relationship with ourselves, we are better able to love and connect with others. When we take care of ourselves first and foremost, show kindness and compassion to ourselves, and understand ourselves better, we can improve how we relate to others and make our lives more satisfying and peaceful. Remember, the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.
Submitted Question:
“My parents NEVER call me first or initiate calls. Am I overreacting ?
I'm an only child and have been living overseas for 5 years. My parents are both retired and have a lot of free time on their hands. However, they never call me first. My mother sends the odd whatsapp message maybe every 2 weeks but it's usually a nonsense meme. Other than that, I don't hear from them and when I do call they are always in a rush to get off the phone. Is this normal?.”
My Response if we were in a coaching setting. Although without being able to ask questions, I may assume or use scenarios to fill in the gaps.
Seems like there's been a recent shift in the dynamic and relationship that you may find yourself uncertain about. It's completely normal and valid to feel like something is off when changes occur. It's important to acknowledge and process your feelings and experiences.
When it comes to navigating changes in your relationship with your parents, it is important to approach the situation with honesty and open communication. By acknowledging that you have noticed a shift in your dynamic and expressing your thoughts and feelings openly, you create an opportunity for understanding and connection to deepen between you and your parents.
Vulnerability is a powerful tool in building strong relationships, as it allows for authentic and meaningful conversations to take place. By being open about your emotions and experiences, you invite your parents to do the same, this creates a space for trust and vulnerability, fostering a sense of empathy and mutual respect.
By communicating in a healthy and constructive manner, you can address any concerns or misunderstandings that may have arisen and work together towards building a stronger and more harmonious relationship with your parents. This will help you in all relationships; being able to navigate the smaller things can provide the tools and recollection of how you've communicated effectively in the past successfully.
Remember, open and honest communication is key to fostering healthy and positive connections with those we care about.
We all have a fundamental need to feel seen, heard, and important in life and in our relationships.
If you've had a close relationship that has moved towards less interaction, it's easy to start searching for reasons behind the shift. Evidence and proof gathering, I like to call it. However, this can sometimes lead to creating false beliefs, narratives and stories that may not be helpful for your relationship with your parents, your mental, emotional health and overall well-being. It's essential to recognize that feeling lonely or isolated can often be a sign that some of your personal needs are not being met. (things that you can address)
Notice what it feels like when believing your parents are too busy to talk to you or initiate contact with you. Likely it’s a negative feeling, like lonely, isolated, different, not good enough, sad, upset, frustrated, misunderstood.. What happens or what’s the result that comes from feeling any of these feelings? Nothing good right? More distance, more evidence gathering, more wallowing, more victimhood.
Taking an honest look at your personal needs, are your needs being met?
For example, if you are working long hours, dedicating excess time to studying, or prioritizing tasks that drain your mental, emotional, and physical energy without taking breaks, it can significantly impact your well-being. This can result in heightened negative feelings, lower mood, and depleted bandwidth to handle life, these may make simple situations seem more complex than they are.
It's crucial to ensure that you are taking care of yourself by getting enough rest, staying hydrated, eating healthily, and maintaining a balance between work, study, and activities that recharge you. Taking time for fun, hobbies, adventure, and creativity can help you maintain a sense of balance and overall well-being.
Remember to prioritize self-care and listen to your needs to avoid falling into a spiral of negative emotions.
I wish you all the best.
Please share this with anyone you believe would benefit from the insights. Post a comment, I read and reply to them all. Thank you in advance!
If you want to send a question, please send to hello@katherine-hood.com please include:
- A coachable question (something that addresses what's in your control, your thoughts, feelings or actions.)
- And context, explain a situation in the past, currently going through, or worries/concerns of the future, giving me some details on your thoughts and feelings about it.