We tell ourselves stories all the time, and that's part of being funny little humans.
In our everyday lives, we often find ourselves navigating through our own unique realities and levels of awareness. Some people's awareness is rather low and they are just cruising through life on pure autopilot, with life and people around them in the cockpit dictating every move they make. This is a shame and often results in much resentment and regret in later years.
It is quite common for us to make assumptions about the realities of other people, often without taking the time to truly understand their perspectives. This can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations, causing us to believe we know what others are going through when in fact, we may be completely off base. It is important to remember that each person's reality is unique and complex, shaped by their own experiences, conditioning, stories, beliefs, and emotions. By taking the time to listen, empathize, and communicate openly with others, we can avoid falling into the trap of assuming we know it all. It's a reminder to approach each interaction with humility, curiosity and a willingness to learn from others, rather than jumping to conclusions based on our own preconceived notions.
We can easily get caught up in the expectations placed on us by society, culture, and even our own families. As a result, we may find ourselves creating stories in our minds that may or may not be accurate, but we still view them as our own truth. It's important to remember that everyone's reality is different and that our own experiences, conditioning, stories, beliefs, and emotions.. By acknowledging this, we can strive to have a better understanding of ourselves and others.
Our stories are so unique that they are like our fingerprints, no two alike.
When coaching, I hear stories of the future, a play-by-play of what they believe the future will play out. More overthinking, fortunetelling, predicting, and assumptions. Some are detailing how good or bad they are at things; some are how others are right or wrong—all stories, and images created in their mind.
We create a narrative based on our life experiences up to this point.
We wear our own foggy glasses and see through a lens that filters out what we believe or interpret. There are an infinite number of perspectives that could come from any situation. These stories we create are just a result of overthinking, an overactive imagination, and often result in fear-based decision making.
Every person will formulate a different story or conclusion from the exact same situation. Most play out hypothetical stories that are the worst-case scenario—envisioning every possible lousy outcome that could happen. This is how overthinking or storytelling can become your worst enemy.
We aren't drawn to do things that create pain or fear. Think about it you don't buy anything without a good feeling attached to it; every sales person knows this, and in any possible transaction, they are looking for a good feeling to focus on to get the sale. We are drawn to do things that create pleasure, love and joy, and potentially numb out the negative feelings we don't want to face.
Some Story examples:
- How we like or dislike our job and find proof to back the story up. When there's probably hundreds or thousands of people that would willingly step up and take that same job and be grateful.
- How our spouse/partner is not supportive or controlling, having examples of the past to prove the point. Where people that know your spouse/partner could list off many values, skills, and character traits that are honorable.
- "I should do ___" A lot of stories begin with I should or shouldn't, shoulds are expectations of others or stories someone has told us. These stories are rooted in desperation, and aren't sustainable due to the negative energy.
- Imagining the event your friends invited you to this weekend as an anxiety-producing event. There are hundreds of people who would be thrilled to be invited to an event and feel important because they want to include you in spending their precious time together making memories and laughing.
- Seeing or believing you aren't good enough and perhaps your boss is an egotistical micro-manager. Where many people are searching for a job that is demanding and stretches them to learn and develop communication skills and be a part of a team that truly cares.
- Stories of how you're believing you're a "procrastinator," or have you just been busy/sidetracked with unexpected things that life throws at you. This label, has you looking for proof everyday that you're indeed this label, further reinforcing behaviors that validate this limitation. Labeling oneself is boxing yourself in and the mind loves to find concrete proof that you ARE that.
- Comparing and judging self to what others do, "I wouldn't do that," "they shouldn't do that." Being judgmental and pushing your rules on others is a small reflection of how brutal your inner voice chatter is to yourself. Some self-compassion and self-empathy will go a long way and improve your relationships not only with yourself but with others. Stories that are heavy in judgment have a tendency to have a silent destructive nature.
- "I am a ____ person who.. " "I am" statements are also stories that deeply limit your opportunities and close a lot of doors. An example is "I am anxious". This is an ownership statement that fuels your identity to self. Never start off a sentence with "I am anxious" unless your name is Anxious. If you're working on your anxiety, great! Notice and catch yourself when speaking or thinking about anxiety, reframe what you're thinking and believing to "I have anxious tendencies from time to time, and I am working on it." This detaches you from this label, title, and identity, and points to overcoming it with daily intention.
The stories we make up in our minds are not true!
Our stories in our mind can be very seductive, and we can easily be swept away by a whirl of emotions, resulting in suffering.
We are absent from the present when we live in mind full of stories. Being present is where the gifts and possibilities lie.
When we are distracted and stressed out by various stories we create it can prevent us, limit us, and stop us from even taking action towards the very things we want in our life.
An overactive and overly analytical mind is burdensome, creating a flood of cortisol that negatively impacts our mental and physical well-being.
- How much time do you spend a day overthinking and storytelling?
- What movies are you playing in your mind when lying in bed at night or driving?
- What labels are you limiting yourself with?
Are you aware of what things you're saying and thinking that's stinkin thinking?
Here's my suggestion: improve your awareness of the stories you tell yourself. Notice if you feel unhappy, sad, fearful, or if there's something you want to start doing but are held back for some strange reason. Likely, there are stories you're thinking and believing that are acting as invisible blocks. Get support in reframing these stories. Ask friends, family, the people in your life what blind spots you have. The ones that care deeply about you and you have a strong connection and trust with will tell you, honestly.
If there's a block, or a negative feeling, there's a story there.
Take notice when you feel resistance, that sense of wanting to step forward but then taking two steps backward, or take no action at all. There's a story there. Storytelling is a habit, and with some support, you can break this habit and build a new one!
We can't change what we aren't aware of.
This is where coaching is so powerful it creates space to talk about anything you want to move forward with, be it a goal or breaking or making a habit. The language spoken in a coaching session is a glimpse into your thoughts, just a tiny fraction of your thoughts and stories. A skilled coach like myself picks up on repetitive words, stories, and limiting beliefs.
Just like hypnosis the thoughts and stories, the things we say on repeat we funny humans tend to believe. Ever watch the news? There's a reason it's on repeat.
When we are in close proximity to our stories, issues or dilemmas, we may find ourselves blind to the limiting narratives we tell ourselves. It is crucial to recognize the importance of seeking support and guidance through coaching in order to gain a new perspective and overcome obstacles. By acknowledging our own limitations and seeking help, we can navigate through challenges more effectively and ultimately achieve personal growth and success.
Remember, we are not meant to face our struggles alone, and reaching out for assistance is a sign of strength and courage.
Need support? Have you considered a life coach?
Want to train your brain to work for you rather than against your goals, I can help!
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