What belief about yourself or the situation bothering you right now is fueling your current feelings?
Consider examining the underlying beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation that is causing your distress.
These beliefs will fuel your emotions and influence your reactions. By being aware of the underlying beliefs, and identifying and challenging these beliefs, you may be able to gain a new perspective and find ways to fuel the feelings you want to have.
In each session with different clients, I make a point to identify beliefs that they may not be aware of. To help raise awareness, I decided to include some common ones.
A belief is a subjective attitude that something is true, shaping how we perceive and interact with the world. Many of the beliefs that create suffering operate non-consciously, influencing thoughts, feelings, and actions without us even realizing it.
1. “I Need to Control Everything to Be Okay.”
This belief leads to anxiety, stress, and frustration because life is inherently unpredictable. The more we try to control, paradoxically the more resistance we create, leaving us exhausted and overwhelmed.(especially with other people)
Alternative Belief: I can handle whatever comes my way, even if things don’t go as planned. Or being ok, is ok.
2. “Other People’s Opinions Determine My Worth.”
This belief fuels people-pleasing, self-doubt, and fear of judgment. It keeps individuals stuck needing external validation rather than fueling their own inner validations that are sustainable.
Alternative Belief: My worth is intrinsic and not dependent on external approval. My worthiness and confidence is for me to create and nurture within myself. I am deserving of love, respect, and success simply because I am me. I embrace my uniqueness and celebrate my strengths. I am enough, just as I am.
3. “I’m Not Good Enough.”
This belief is at the core of perfectionism, procrastination, and imposter syndrome. It creates a cycle of self-criticism, stress, and an inability to fully embrace accomplishments, often paralyzing.
Alternative Belief: I am enough as I am, and growth is a continuous journey. I will set out to do what it is I want to do for I will have fun doing it and learn a lot along the way.
4. “If I Fail, It Means I’m a Failure.”
This belief leads to fear of taking risks, stagnation, and avoidance of opportunities. Failure is viewed as personal identity rather than a learning experience.
Alternative Belief: Failure is feedback, not a reflection of my worth. Each setback will only make me stronger and more determined to achieve my goals. I will use the feedback from my failures to improve and grow.
5. “I Must Always Be Productive to Be Valuable.”
This belief results in burnout, guilt, and exhaustion, as rest and stillness feel "unearned" or "unproductive." It can cause physical stress and chronic fatigue.
Alternative Belief: Rest is necessary for success, and my value isn’t based on how much I do. I am a human being, not a human doing.
6. “I Can’t Be Happy Until [Something External] Changes.”
This belief leads to constant dissatisfaction and postponing joy, as happiness is always placed in the future rather than the present moment.
Alternative Belief: I can find joy and fulfillment in the present, regardless of external circumstances. Being grateful and appreciative is the medicine I take every day.
7. “It’s My Job to Make Everyone Else Happy.”
This belief creates codependency, resentment, and emotional exhaustion, as personal well-being is sacrificed for others.
Alternative Belief: I am responsible for my happiness, just as others are responsible for theirs. It's enough of a jog to manage my own feelings, as with everyone else.
8. “I Shouldn’t Feel This Way.”
This belief leads to emotional suppression, shame, and internal conflict, making feelings seem "wrong" rather than natural and valid experiences.
Alternative Belief: All emotions are valid. It’s okay to feel, process, and release them. Understanding where my feelings come from I can command my thoughts to naturally go where I see fit.
9. “I Have to Be Perfect to Be Loved or Accepted.”
This belief results in chronic self-judgment, fear of mistakes, and unrealistic expectations, leading to emotional exhaustion and relationship struggles.
Alternative Belief: I am worthy of love and acceptance as I am, flaws and all. Bonding and connection occurs when I share my imperfections, I am relatable and human when I am natural and authentic.
10. “If I Let Go, Everything Will Fall Apart.”
This belief keeps people stuck in hyper-vigilance, over-responsibility, and fear of uncertainty. It creates physical tension, anxiety, and emotional distress.
Alternative Belief: Letting go creates space for new possibilities and peace. By filling my day with the things I need to support my mental, emotional and physical health and let every thing else fall around it I am prioritizing myself and pouring my energy into what matters first and foremost.
Final Thoughts: Shifting Beliefs for Freedom & Peace
Many of these beliefs operate silently, shaping daily experiences and emotions. The first step to freeing yourself from suffering is awareness—recognizing these unconscious beliefs and questioning their truth. By shifting your mindset, you can create more peace, emotional resilience, and well-being.